Create YOUR Perfect Relationship

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Relationships are something I get asked about a lot, I love the messages I get saying #couplegoals or “how did you and your husband meet, I can’t believe how much you do for each other? He does what!? “I love hearing this, not in a conceited way but because I am proud of our relationship. We aren’t perfect but we are perfect for each other and we work at because we don’t want to settle for a life less than anything amazing. We have overcome so many things that break people apart because we both choose to. We both know this relationship isn’t one sided.

Now rewind to BJ - okay okay,  I mean BJ as in before Josh.   I had been through it all, years of being single at weddings, bad dates, not ever feeling  “that feeling” but believing in love, this all while trying to overcome my past trauma and navigating through “the rules” of dating.  I am getting exhausted just talking about it!

I didn’t meet Josh (my soulmate) until I starting focusing on me first. I stopped listening to other people and I only focused on myself, I dug in deep, figured out what I wanted, went to therapy, talked to other people who lived life the way I wanted to live. Stopped listening to the advice from people who were not in situations that I wanted to be and I became obsessed with figuring out how to live the life that made me happiest.  I am proud of the woman I became before the universe brought Josh into my life. I needed that time alone and I needed those qualities I built to navigate through the years ahead. Sometimes it feels like people forget that is the rest of your life. Why settle now and pay later?

Relationships aren't one sided and while we often focus on what only we want, we forget that there is another half of the ship.  During the time I was focusing on myself I decide to write down exactly what my perfect relationship looked like. That’s it? YES. Write it down, be specific and the let that sh*t go. I met Josh 4 months after I did this exact exercise. What I realized later that I didn’t know then was by doing this I told the Universe what I wanted and the type of partner I would be and they did the hard work, while I just let go and let God. Funny thing is I never looked at my sheet again, I just knew what I wrote down and I found my sheet  2 years later when Josh and I were moving into our first apartment together. It seems to disappear and reappear into my life. I found it a second time 4 years later when we moved out of our first place together. I love looking at it now because I feel like the Universe brought me exactly word for word what I asked for. Josh and I still do this exercise every year, we just keep creating our perfect relationship and sharing with each other so that we are creating together. So single or not this is something that everyone can do.  Josh and I get very specific now, from where we travel, how often, how much money we have, the people we help together, our sex life, when we have kids and exactly what we do to light each other up. We recently went to the Tony Robbins event and he had everyone doing a similar worksheet, it was crazy because there were most of the room that had never done anything like that together. We watched as they shared and cried and grew together. Feeling lucky that we make our relationship a priority to constantly grow, make things funs and learn together - creating the exact life WE want.

I want you to do the same so that’s why I am sharing this with you! You deserve YOUR best life( not hers, or her or hers over there!) YOURS. Start creating it now by getting clear on what you want and asking for it.

Xoxo,

Sarah

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BREAKING OLD HABITS AND LIMITING BELIEFS

“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.” – Louise Hay

When we were born we only lived in the moment. We didn’t think thoughts like, “that doesn’t happen to babies like me” or “I am not good enough for that.” Think about how brave we were as children – you wanted something you asked for it! When the world told you that you can’t have it, your response was – well why not?

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood our natural inclinations to dream big started to become inhibited by limiting beliefs. These beliefs may have come from our parents, a guardian, a teacher, or the world in general. After hearing so much of, “you can’t!” or “you should [fill in the blank]!” we start to adopt those beliefs and inhibit our natural desires. Before you start blaming others for your limiting beliefs, let’s start with awareness and understanding. These surroundings and people also got their limiting beliefs from somewhere too, through their own experiences and they continued the cycle by believing them and then repeating them and by no fault of their own continuing the cycle and installing them in others.

 

Let’s be the ones to break the cycle!
The first step in breaking the cycle of limiting beliefs is to recognize you need to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. 95% of the decisions we make come from what we tell ourselves. Some warning signs of self-doubt. Do you find yourself answering “yes, but…” when questioned about goals or progress? I have said those exact words before when making an excuse as to why I didn’t do something or why I thought I couldn’t.

In order to break through our old habits and limiting beliefs we have to TAKE ACTION. Have you ever heard “change your thoughts, change your life?”

Write down your limiting beliefs. 
Your limiting beliefs can hide very easily, that is until you look them straight in the face. They seem to be very powerful because they are things you have thought for a long time. They seem natural and can hide behind our conscious awareness. Don’t let them hide. The first step is awareness: Make a list of your limiting beliefs. Not sure what your limiting beliefs are? Start by thinking of something you want to achieve, a goal, a wish and while thinking of this goal you start to feel resistance. Some examples of limiting beliefs: All the good ones are taken. That was too easy. It won’t last. I don’t have time. I have no clue where to start. I can’t start a business, I have no money. I am not good enough. I am too old.

Acknowledge that these are thoughts, not truths. 
Sometimes this can be the hardest part. We hold on to these beliefs to protect ourselves. We feel inclined to explain WHY we think something or explain how hard it is because we feel we need to defend our thought process.

Let go of your limiting beliefs in exchange for new beliefs. 
Start by creating a new habit. When you feel that old limiting belief creep in, turn it into a positive affirmation. “I’m not pretty enough, becomes I am beautiful.” When you hear those typical excuses pop into your head or come out of your mouth ask yourself HOW instead of WHY. If your limiting belief is, “I can’t get the job I want because I never went to college,” ask yourself how does not going to college make me any less qualified for this position? Make a list of the million and billionaires that never went to college. How did they do it?

Prepare for change. Begin using your new beliefs. 
Get into the habit of using your new empowering beliefs as much as possible until it starts to feel natural. Push through the initial awkwardness and uncertainty. Be flexible in your approach, what works for one person isn’t always the exact recipe for you. Customize, make the changes throughout your journey.

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Her Success Is Not Your Failure

Growing up, I always had this crystal clear image of what my career path would look like. During my four years in a rigorous journalism program at Arizona State University I was lucky enough to dip my toes into the competitive world of entertainment reporting and challenge myself among the most brilliant people in the journalism world.

My program mainly focused on investigative journalism and print, and paid little attention to those who wanted to pursue a path in Hollywood. Hollywood, and life in general, is a dog-eat-dog-world and you just have to be one of the best players in the crazy game. When I was 19 years old I landed my first "Hollywood gig." Over the course of the last three years I have had several Los Angeles based internships all in the entertainment reporting field. During this time, I have made the seven-hour drive from Arizona to California for every staff meeting, every award show, and every press conference. Still to this day, there is nothing more that I love than stepping onto a red carpet and reporting my little heart out.

While I am covering high wattage events while feeling beautiful and confident in my own skin (in a dress I personally think I’m rocking the heck out of!) I go home and share pictures with my friends and family and lay in bed feeling like I tackled the world. But once the make-up comes off and I'm under the covers scrolling through social media the gratefulness and excitement I feel starts to fade away with every minor scroll. Over the past couple of months, I have find that I am constantly comparing myself to girls on social media that I don't even know! To be honest, I don't know how I even stumble upon all of these profiles (you know how it goes.) I'll compare their house to my house, their swimsuit-ready bodies and my lack thereof, or picture-perfect outfits. The fact of the matter is, sometimes the women I compare myself to on social media are after the same dream I am - and then the doubt begins. I sit there and argue with myself, "Well maybe I should have joined a sorority," or "Maybe I should wear more make up or get fake eyelashes." Then it all comes back to me, none of that is me. I'm not a sorority girl, and I'm not one to wake up every day and do my make-up unless I have to.

So let's get one thing straight, one woman's success shouldn't mean my failure.  Because quite frankly, I’m nowhere close to being a failure. Social media shows the best moments in our lives - not the bad ones. It's never crossed my mind to post a picture of myself in a bathing suit bloated, because I know that's not cute. Or why would I post about how hard my day was and all of the auditions I was turned down for and didn't get? Instead, I constantly compare myself to women who I don't even know and in turn, dampen my own personal success at the age of twenty-two. Now, I’m not saying don’t post that selfie that you look absolutely flawless in or a post commemorating your success or achievement – post it! But remember, there is life and hardships behind each post that you see.

My personal oath to myself has been this: Look at social media, but don't compare your life based off of what you see on the internet. Your success isn't measured by likes, shares, and just wait - someone else's success. The social media world is what we want everyone to see. Quite frankly, it won't be going anywhere anytime soon - so it's up to us (you) to make the switch in your brain. Listen to what your mind tells you and if you find those negative thoughts creeping their way into your brain. Set down the phone, turn off the computer and separate yourself from the internet. Remember, "Her success is not your failure."

 

Much love to all of you!

By: Shelby Slaughter

Motivate Your Monday. Because Life is too Short to Not Look Forward to Everyday!

Happy Sunday babes! If you’re anything like I used to be you are already dreading Monday.  I dreaded Mondays (big time!) But now I look forward to them and I know that it is an opportunity to have an amazing week. I know firsthand there is nothing that can beat the weekends, sitting at home with your friends or family, going out with girls or just having a nice relaxing weekend away. (I mean who doesn’t want more of that!?) So, make more of it! Don’t save your ‘me’ time or fun time just for the weekends. Even if it is 10 minutes a day- do something that makes you feel good.

Monday can actually be pretty amazing, a chance for a fresh new week, a new start.  A chance to decide what you think needs to get done and in what order. YOU DECIDE. When I start to feel that, ohh (beep) tomorrow is Monday thoughts creeping in, I ask myself -

-What amazing things are going to happen this week? (Life is happening FOR us not to us!)

-How much closer am I going to get to my dream, my goals?

-Who will I meet this week that will brighten my world? Who can I help this week?

Asking empowering questions can get you excited for the new week! Excitement breeds productivity, which then gives your Monday a whole new meaning.

 

Your 5 Step Action Plan for Motivating Your Monday

1. Don’t live for the weekends. Studies show that if you live for Saturday and Sunday you have lower energy and motivation throughout the week. Plan some fun activities during the week. Spread out joy for those other days that in Y! Planning something midweek can give you something to look forward to.

2. Fill in your calendar. If you know on Monday AM what you already need to tackle you free up some much time and you aren’t spending the morning stressed out on what you have to do.

3. Stay off the phone! When we first wake up in the morning we are in a sensitive state. The first five minutes of you day affect your day. What we do in this  five minute state can affect or whole day and sometimes even our entire week! If your alarm is on your phone that is the first thing you do when you wake up, reach for phone (check texts, email, Instagram…) Get the picture? You aren’t even giving yourself a chance to decide how your day is going to go. What happens when we fill our first moments of waking up with the noise of the outside world? The rest of the world decides how your day is going to go. The best advice that I ever received for helping to change my morning routine was from Tim Farris. What was it? Do not check your emails before 10am. I realize this may or may not be easy for everyone but if this is something you cannot do, then it is even more important that you create space for yourself in the morning before making any moves.

4. Take five minutes to reflect. When we wake up and jump online or turn on our TV’s, answer a text message, whatever it is that isn’t showing love to ourselves first we send the message to ourselves that everyone else is more important. Putting yourself as number one (so you can love yourself and those who love you) means spending the first five minutes of your day showing gratitude and celebrating you. Even if you are feeling down or going through a tough time in your life you ALWAYS have something to feel grateful for. Sometimes we need a little guidance, my biggest game changer has been the Five Minute Journal.

5. Stretch. Get your body moving! Stretching increases your blood flow. Blood flow increases your concentration and sharpness. Many experts suggest that stretching in the morning helps support your energy throughout the entire day.

Here are some recent examples of what I have said thank you for each morning when I wake up:

  • The ability to work from wherever I want, which balances out the nights up working past 1am.

  • The chance to start the GirlTalk advice section

  • To have a beautiful bed to sleep in

  • For my husband who is my biggest supporter

  • Thankful for the courage to move to Los Angeles, it has changed my life!

Life is too short not to be happy. Choose to love yourself everyday and be the happiest person you know.

How To Not Give a (bleep) What People Think

1. Life is short, you can't get the time back you spend worrying about something you will NEVER control. You only have control over yourself!

2.  Negative comments someone makes is about them, not you.

3. Be true to yourself.

4. Remove sources of negativity and toxic people from your life, ASAP!

5. There's always going to be people who dislike you (for no valid reason) and there's NOTHING you can do about it.

6. Stop overthinking. "Get in your head, you're dead!"

7.  Be confident in yourself. This take practice. No one is 100% confident at all times. It is like a muscle, practice your confidence, work at it, tell yourself you're confident.

8. Accept things they way they are, do not make things worse, if anything only make them better.

9. Create a gratitude wall or journal. The more you are thankful for the less you will think about what others think. Gratitude grows more positive vibes in your life.

10. Accept and love yourself! Celebrate your strengths, instead of focusing on the negative. The more you accept yourself the less you will give (sh****t!) about other opinions that you did not ask for!

LOVE YOU ALL, YOU ARE AMAZING AND THE ONLY YOU THERE IS! xx

Sarah Pendrick FOLLOW @GIRLTALKNETWORK

If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.

By: Jennifer VerMeulen

Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things. If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity towards this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you, if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

 

 

 

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